What Next?

Sometimes I get so terribly depressed that
I want to set my apartment on fire
And when the paramedics
and the firefighters
and the police come
I let them decide
what to do
with me
next.

9/11/2009

The day we had to return you
I put on my cemetery clothes
and steeled my cemetery face
While I felt my cemetery heart ache

We showered your copper home with rose petals
They fell like the tears I didn't want to cry
So I bit the inside of my cheek
And looked at all the cemetery ants rushing by

I thought about how much you would have loved the weather
And how much I love you
and how we don't believe in heaven
and how there is nothing left but missing you

I envy all the cemetery ants
For they don't have a cemetery heart

church bells

stop ringing all these church bells
they interfere with my atheism

Opportunity

Wouldn't it be nice
if life was more about opportunity
and less about necessity...

Occasionally, at times, sometimes

Occasionally I think about killing myself
by driving my car off a bridge
or into a brick-building
I imagine how the steering-wheel smashes
my expensive pearly-white-hollywood-teeth in
or crushes my rib-cage
I think about that approximately 10 minutes a week
while I am stopping at a traffic light or making dinner

At times I think about getting myself fired from my job
by letting them know how incapable I really am
or by selling company secrets on the internet
I imagine how the door to my office opens
and they tell me to clear my desk
and return my cafeteria-card
I think about that approximately 5 minutes a day
while I am reading the paper or talking on the phone

Sometimes I wonder what it is that is wrong with me:
Thinking these things makes me strangely happy and content

Rainbow

I wrecked my car on a rainbow.
I think it was in Tokyo...

Online

I wish I could go online
to download dreams
Along with advice
on how to pursue them
Because right now
all I can think about
is that I will probably die
sad and lonely
Without ever making any sense

Battles and Hearts

I am my battle
yet to be fought
Your heart is a fire
waiting to be caught

Swerving

See the potholes in this road
they're like the potholes in my soul.
Swerving left
Swerving right
only to avoid the pain.
For too long
I've been waiting
for the world to change.

Loved Ones, after me

Loved ones:
I guess that I should die before you
Cause I'll need someone there to mourn
Would be a pretty ugly picture -
just a damn priest and a shovel.